The House of C

Archive for ‘Joke Factory’

54 results.

Joke Factory: How To Break Bad News

by Craig Lotter on Saturday, August 13, 2011 at 06:00

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses £250 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Eventually Michael looks around and asks, “Oh me boys, someone has to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?”

They draw straws. Paul picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, and most important of all, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet!? I’m the most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.”

So Paul goes over to Paddy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Paul promptly declares, “Your husband just lost £250, and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!”, shouts Paddy’s wife.

“I’ll go tell him,” replied Paul with a smile.

└ Tags: death, drop dead, humor, irish, joke, joke factory, laugh, loss, paddy, poker

Comment

Joke Factory: Moose Hunting

by Craig Lotter on Saturday, August 6, 2011 at 06:00

Posted In: Joke Factory

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan.

They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. Simple, but effective.

So they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, “Okay, let’s get out and get him.”

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?”

The guy in the front says, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

└ Tags: anal, bugger, costume, humor, hunting, joke, joke factory, laugh, mating call, moose, moose call

Comment

Joke Factory: Blonde Riding a Horse

by Craig Lotter on Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 06:00

Posted In: Joke Factory

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the inexperienced blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the horse’s side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground, over and over again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune… Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say Hello.